On a path

I have been so consumed lately by the day in day out drain of energy which is the small act of attempting to be good at life, that I have lost sight of what it means to be able to live for yourself. I have done my best to maintain at least, both within myself and my day to day actions, a temperament of peace with an outlook filled with wealth and positivity. It seems this can only get you so far until the world tests just how positive one can be in the face of the cold winter and its fickle realities.

I don’t know if it’s social anxiety or the easy excuse of a rough childhood, one filled with moving around a lot young or undiagnosed adhd or what, but I’ve always had difficulties maintaining social connections with people. Family, friends, lovers, etc. All the same, with the common denominator being me. Now that is a tough pill to swallow. Perhaps it is not your childhood or your circumstances, but you, young man, that is the issue.

Yet, that wouldn’t be very positive of me to assume, and I have always been one to face the logic of my situation. I am not the world I grew up in, nor the circumstances I find myself in, but rather just the man who must decide in any given moment, and every given moment, exactly the right course of action to take for every simple or complex event which falls at my footsteps. As do you, dear reader. Swallow that pill.

The weight of the Universe can be heavy sometimes. Do not allow it to bury you alive. One must still seek that temperament of peace with an outlook filled with wealth and positivity.

For if not, what else? You allow it to crush you? You allow yourself to be glued to the bed until the late afternoon? You find yourself skipping the days, missing them for the dreams of an alternate timeline? One in which your childhood was perfect, or you had a stable upbringing, or correctly diagnosed adhd or what? Do you see how pointless it is to wish for the things broken in your past to be fixed? Take hold of the present. That is where you can have an effect. Think not of the future, but of the now. Break up your time into manageable doses. Try not to drown in the oceans of possibilities. Talk to the people you want to talk to and make an effort to want to talk to people in general. You will find yourself revolving around the periphery of your own Universe if you take the route that you have taken so many times before.

Let not you walk back into the misery of the times whose memories you have trapped deep within the confines of that guarded palace in your mind. Take back your rightful throne as the guide of your own destiny, for it is you who steps foot upon the earth, not your wishes or dreams. It is you who must find the path hidden in the grass. There will not always be a trail to lead you.. and yet, one must still seek that temperament of peace with an outlook filled with wealth and positivity.

Photo by Claudel Rheault on Unsplash