95% of the time I'm just trying to not be a sarcastic asshole

99% of the time when I think I am about to come off as a sarcastic asshole I slightly change what it is that I was going to say and still come off as a sarcastic asshole, just about a few levels less funny then I would have been originally because I toned down what I said to make sure you don’t get pissed off at me. *sighs* Blame social anxiety.

Like right there, where I should have just said that I 100% am a sarcastic asshole who just doesn’t like having to deal with people being pissed off at me and so I smile and don’t say anything and just look pretty for you for a second before I awkwardly leave whatever situation we are in to go be in another situation where I likely wont say the thing I wanted to say, because, well… social conditioning. *Stares blankly* *Looks pretty* *Leaves*

So here I am wondering why my social circles are more like dots and so I connected the dots and am realizing that people don’t like fake people and I’m too real to ever feel like I could be real with you fake people long enough for me to not just say what you want me to say and then not say shit to you until the next time we are awkwardly forced into a shared encounter because, duh, we are a social species and my homie said he bought some Hennessy tonight and that’s why he’s a real one. Duh. Where’s your social graces?

Wait am I talking shit again? I swear I didn’t want to come off as a sarcastic asshole this time.

Nah I’m lyin. ?